Zoe
1.000er-Club
Englischaufsatz
ich hab den aufsatz wieder rausgeben müssen, also das thema kann gelöscht werden oder so^^
ich hab den aufsatz wieder rausgeben müssen, also das thema kann gelöscht werden oder so^^
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My American star
- Ersteller Zoe
- Erstellt am
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Frannie
Guest
Hallo Zoe,
ich bin durch den Text mal mit dem Rotstift durchgegangen, wie ich es bei Klausuren meiner Studenten machen wuerde. Viele Kommafehler habe ich gefunden, und ein paar Formulierungen wuerde ich aendern. Ansonsten ist der Text schoen geschrieben. Du darfst meinen Englischkenntnissen vertrauen, ich bin Amerikanerin.
Dein Text gefaellt mir. Jedoch wuerde ich nochmal den Gedanken am Schluss ueberdenken - ist es wirklich falsch, ein Idol zu haben? Auch du hast ein Vorbild, und du hast es in deinem Text beschrieben. Even if it is some ordinary American woman who's making barely enough money to feed her children, who can't afford to miss a day of work because she'd be fired within the hour...
Ich habe alle Aenderungen - ausser die Kommafehler - markiert.
Gruss,
Fran
My American star!
When I first read what the topic is, I racked my brain about what I should write. American star… What kind of star? A teen idol like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and that lot? People you can find on the Walk of Fame or those who turn up in every cheap magazine for another scandal, another divorce, another dirty secret that isn’t supposed to be a secret any longer, or never was?
Or should I write about a politician who changed the world, to act like I’m very mature [..] and hope to get bonus points by doing that?
No, I won’t. I’m fourteen years old, and saying I was interested in politics and so on would be a lie. And to be honest, I’m too proud to try to make headway by acting like somebody I’m not.
Besides, I doubt I’d reach anything by doing this, because sooner or later, you’d get to know who I really am.
Yes, I know, time to start with the real essay. Das passt hier nicht hin!
My American star is a person who knows what she (She? Are you only talking about a female star? Specification would be helpful.) wants to do, and even if she can’t do it tries hard to get there. She is satisfied with her life, and makes the best of it. This person doesn’t care about what others think of her dream, or if she becomes rich or famous.
Maybe it’s a person who does great things for others, without getting paid for it.
Maybe it’s an average person with an average job; but she does it passionately.
You’re probably about to throw away this essay now, postmarked as off-topic.
But who defines what a star is? I would say: a person you admire, either for who she is, what she does, or how she does it.
And I really admire an average person who makes the best of her life a hundred times more than a “superstar”, who’s famous for a job she got through good connections, or because she’s pretty or rich.
You can’t generalize that, on the contrary; I’m sure many stars got famous because they are good singers, actors or other artists.
But there are great singers all over the world, who are a lot better than famous ones, but haven’t got the opportunities to sell themselves better or simply aren’t interested in being famous.
[..]I think that’s the problem of stars today; the longer you are in that business, the more you forget what you actually wanted to do. But now, the only thing that counts anymore is money, and how you get everybody’s attention. There are so many teenagers who adore a superstar, but most of them don’t know that they actually should be devoted to their managers and so on, because they nearly do the entire job.
Besides, I don’t think it’s a good thing to have an idol.
Particularly children should be taught that every person is different but worth the same, and not that it’s “cool” to look, talk, dress – to be like a specific person. I don’t deny that I admire some people, for they can sing or act great, but I haven’t got a star, and to be honest, I’m glad about it.
ich bin durch den Text mal mit dem Rotstift durchgegangen, wie ich es bei Klausuren meiner Studenten machen wuerde. Viele Kommafehler habe ich gefunden, und ein paar Formulierungen wuerde ich aendern. Ansonsten ist der Text schoen geschrieben. Du darfst meinen Englischkenntnissen vertrauen, ich bin Amerikanerin.
Dein Text gefaellt mir. Jedoch wuerde ich nochmal den Gedanken am Schluss ueberdenken - ist es wirklich falsch, ein Idol zu haben? Auch du hast ein Vorbild, und du hast es in deinem Text beschrieben. Even if it is some ordinary American woman who's making barely enough money to feed her children, who can't afford to miss a day of work because she'd be fired within the hour...
Ich habe alle Aenderungen - ausser die Kommafehler - markiert.
Gruss,
Fran
My American star!
When I first read what the topic is, I racked my brain about what I should write. American star… What kind of star? A teen idol like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and that lot? People you can find on the Walk of Fame or those who turn up in every cheap magazine for another scandal, another divorce, another dirty secret that isn’t supposed to be a secret any longer, or never was?
Or should I write about a politician who changed the world, to act like I’m very mature [..] and hope to get bonus points by doing that?
No, I won’t. I’m fourteen years old, and saying I was interested in politics and so on would be a lie. And to be honest, I’m too proud to try to make headway by acting like somebody I’m not.
Besides, I doubt I’d reach anything by doing this, because sooner or later, you’d get to know who I really am.
Yes, I know, time to start with the real essay. Das passt hier nicht hin!
My American star is a person who knows what she (She? Are you only talking about a female star? Specification would be helpful.) wants to do, and even if she can’t do it tries hard to get there. She is satisfied with her life, and makes the best of it. This person doesn’t care about what others think of her dream, or if she becomes rich or famous.
Maybe it’s a person who does great things for others, without getting paid for it.
Maybe it’s an average person with an average job; but she does it passionately.
You’re probably about to throw away this essay now, postmarked as off-topic.
But who defines what a star is? I would say: a person you admire, either for who she is, what she does, or how she does it.
And I really admire an average person who makes the best of her life a hundred times more than a “superstar”, who’s famous for a job she got through good connections, or because she’s pretty or rich.
You can’t generalize that, on the contrary; I’m sure many stars got famous because they are good singers, actors or other artists.
But there are great singers all over the world, who are a lot better than famous ones, but haven’t got the opportunities to sell themselves better or simply aren’t interested in being famous.
[..]I think that’s the problem of stars today; the longer you are in that business, the more you forget what you actually wanted to do. But now, the only thing that counts anymore is money, and how you get everybody’s attention. There are so many teenagers who adore a superstar, but most of them don’t know that they actually should be devoted to their managers and so on, because they nearly do the entire job.
Besides, I don’t think it’s a good thing to have an idol.
Particularly children should be taught that every person is different but worth the same, and not that it’s “cool” to look, talk, dress – to be like a specific person. I don’t deny that I admire some people, for they can sing or act great, but I haven’t got a star, and to be honest, I’m glad about it.
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Zoe
1.000er-Club
Vielen vielen Dank!!
du hast mir super weitergeholfen, nochmal, danke!
Lg
du hast mir super weitergeholfen, nochmal, danke!
Lg
